South Park: Battle for Darktonian's Sword
by BrenRome
Summary: A new kid comes to South Park only to be sucked into playing a LARPG under instructions of Cartman with other kids and Randy Marsh which turns into a quest to save the world. I own nothing but my OC's This is FANfiction. Please don't sue!
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi everyone! Welcome to another new fanfic. This time, we're doing a fic in honor of the upcomming South Park game. In case you didn't hear, the creators of the show are doing a game that will play like a big RPG game with you LARPGing as the new kid who comes to South Park alongside your favoriate show characters. This is how I would do the game so this is going to be a parody of ThatGuyWithTheGlasses's Year Three Anniversary miniseries: Surburban Knights, but expect to see new fantasy characters and parodies as well in here. That's almost it. Oh. And I only own my OC's and nothing else. This is FANfiction only, so PLEASE don't sue! So sit back, relax and enjoy...**_

**PROLOUGE:**

**Nevada, Route 659…**

On the lone deserted stretch of land filled with nothing but dirt, rocks, and a single road stretching all the way to the west coast no doubt, a new arrival drove his white Spots Utility Vehicle, while listening to the radio playing Stan Bush's 'The Touch.' On the inside, the driver bobbed his head up and down, enjoying the sweet tunes of the 80's. His name was Gerry, all-time dumbass and totally isolated with little to no idea what was happening in the world around him.

This was a trait that would lead to his fate today.

As he continued to drive, he caught something out of the corner of his eye. It was a woman standing on the side of the road. Gerry stopped the car and rolled down the window to the side door so he could see her better. She was Caucasian with curves that just made Gerry's boy-parts turn to jello. Her face was about twenty-three but her eyes were covered from a pair of sunglasses. Her hair was short and spikey, and she wore a purple tank-top and shorts underneath a black trench coat and a black fedora held in her left hand as she fanned herself off.

"Hey baby!" Gerry called, "You need a lift?"

The woman looked at him as if she had finally noticed and then inspected the car before turning back to him. She had no emotion whatsoever and her voice could say the same.

"In this?" She asked, as if this were the only car in her vicinity.

"Cha! Yeah! I mean, unless you can pull out a motorcycle and press your boobs against it while you drive like Megan Fox."

He laughed before looking at her seriously.

"But that would be cool though."

The woman in turn did nothing that reflected upon the two last statements. She didn't smile or show any emotion still. Instead, after a full minute of silence, she sighed and shook her head in shame.

"No. No I cannot." She admitted.

Gerry opened the door and the woman slowly got in, resting against the passenger side. She felt as if she were inside a tub of something unpleasant like bubbling acid or the excreted wastes of a BasCorlik.

The BasCorlik creatures, of course had been extinct ever since the technology she now surrounded herself in caused them to be extinct just as it was doing to every other creature around the world.

Noticing that Gerry was still looking at her, the woman looked at him sternly.

"So, uh, where're you heading?" Gerry asked, casually.

"Colorado." She said, simply, "I'm going to Denver, Colorado."

"Denver Colorado!" The Man exclaimed, "Awesome!"

Gerry then shifted his attention to his iPhone and began to input the GPS for the location, as he was now solely focused on his MapQuest, and fixing wrong suggestions, the woman looked around the car. There were strewn McDonalds cups lying around along with an iPad, a Blackberry, and a Mario Bobblehead in front of her.

It was then that the woman realized that she had just trapped herself inside a prision.

A prision made from the very circuitry that she dispised more than everything else on this god-forsaken world.

"All right!" Gerry said, showing her the map now fully laid out, "Here we go! So how fast do you need me to go, honey?"

The woman turned to look at his iPhone.

"You're using that?" She asked, simply.

"Ch'yah!"

"Don't." She said, stern and loud enough for him to hear.

"Don't…what…?" Gerry asked.

"Don't. Use it." She explained, waving her hand at him, "Just don't."

"But I'd be lost without it!" Gerry complained.

"Would you?" She asked, sarcastically, all her hate and bile building up in her voice, "It's bad enough that you have surrounded yourself in this metal prison, but now you sacrifice your own sense of direction? Your own self-doubt? You give your destiny over to be determined by wires, steel and circuitry. You depend upon it to live despite the many opportunities you have to try without it."

She turned to Gerry, as he finally noticed how her voice had turned from not-carring to one that was meanacing and threatening. She looked at him through her sunglasses as if he had gotten every infectious disease known to man.

"You were born with nothing." She hissed at him with venom in her voice clear enough to hear, "And you will die….with nothing."

Gerry stared at her for a few minutes amazed before finally speaking.

"Babe…" He said, clearly starting to take in what she had told him, "I…I'm sorry…did someone with an iPhone kill your parents or something…"

"What is your name?" She asked, interrupting him.

"Gerry."

"Gerry." She repeated, turning to face him seriously, "What do you think of the 21st Century…Gerry?"

"It's cool and all." Gerry shrugged, "I mean… the wars suck, but it's nothing that bad. Plus we got a black guy for President."

The woman shook her head at his stupidity. Despite her visage, she still knew the President was bi-racial and that was without technology. She maintained her status however. The man might have some use…if he was worthy.

"Then you enjoy it?" She asked.

"Yeah." Gerry answered, now a bit more comfortable.

"Would you stay here forever?"

"YEAH!"

"Well..." The woman said, looking at him seriously again, "What if I were to tell you that there was something more that you didn't have in the 21st Century."

"What's that?" Gerry asked.

"What if I were to say that there existed a power far beyond anything that the 21st Century could create in the past, present, or future?" The woman asked, mentally reminiscing of the power in question, while she eyed Gerry with suspicion, "Something of even greater value than your prized possessions? What would you say then… Gerry?"

A full moment passed before Gerry responded, and sealed his fate forever.

"Wicked shit, babe!" He laughed, "Whatever you're on, I want some!"

The woman decided she had put up with his presence long enough and a millisecond later, the contents of Gerry's head was splattered all across the driver's side of the window. Inside, the woman sat in her seat, her fingers pointed like a gun at where Gerry's head once was. Around her fingertips, yellow electrical-like energy danced around the aforementioned area looking almost like a dragon before dissipating completely.

The woman inside quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and left the car. She was a complete fool to accept help from a hopeless idiot like him. From here on out, she would walk. The wind was now stronger, so she put one hand over her hat to keep it on.

But before she left the full vicinity of the car, she stopped and looked back at it considering something she hadn't before. Someone was bound to come across her victim sooner or later, and she couldn't have the authorities coming after her now.

She observed the car and decided that nobody if anybody was going to miss the car that much let alone miss Gerry.

She raised her hand out concentrating on the car. Within a few minutes, the gas inside the hood opened while inside the car the keys imminently turned on its own.

Then the car burst into a million flames, taking the whole car, (including Gerry's remains and his precious belongings) with it. The woman smiled as she walked off into the distance. She knew that the flames would be put out soon enough before anybody noticed due to the wind meaning she could get back to her task at hand.

The task in question was to arrive at the location known as South Park, Colorado…and find the prize that had been kept from her long enough.

The game was now afoot.

**BrenRome Presents:**

**South Park:**

**Battle for Darktonian's Sword**

**Starring:**

**Eric Cartman** as **Galandaf (Lord of the Rings)**

**Kyle Broflovski** as **Conan the Barbarian**

**Ike Broflovski** as **Thor**

**Stan Marsh** as **Indiana Jones**

**Shelly Marsh** as **Snow White**

**Randy Marsh** as **Inigo Montoya** **(The Princess Bride)**

**Kenny McCormick** as **Aslan the Lion (Chronicles of Narnia)**

**Jimmy Valmer** as **Ezio Auditore da Firenze** **(Assassin's Creed)**

**Kevin Stonley** as **Aku (Samurai Jack)**

**Timmy Burch** as **The Rockbiter** **(The Never Ending Story)**

**Token Black** as **Organization XIII Member (Kingdom Hearts)**

**Wendy Testaburger **as **Tinkerbell (Peter Pan)**

**Lola **as **Red Sonja**

**Red **as **Red Sonja**

With** Butters Stotch** as **Green Lantern**

**And introducing…**

**Brian McChester** as **Ash Williams (The Evil Dead/Army of Darkness)**

**And Megry Darktonian **as **Herself.**


	2. The Team Forms

**Hi, everyone! Welcome to Chapter 2 of my South Park Fanfic. This time, we meet the new kid and get to see the LARPers of South Park as they dress up and go into battle! Once again, I own nothing but my OC's. This is FANfiction only, so please don't sue! Other than that, enjoy!**

_**South Park…**_

In the town of South Park, a kid stepped out of his house and released a big heavy sigh of woe. He was around 10 years old with a black sweatshirt and long blue jean pants. He was well-fit and had short-cut brown hair and green eyes. His expression, however, told many people that he was alone in this world and he feared he would be for the rest of his life.

The kid's name was Brian McChester, and he had just moved into South Park yesterday. He was the newest kid here, but all his life, he had been moving due to his parents being travel agents and always moving towns to get a better deal than the last place. Because of that, he had been constantly changing schools, never keeping the same friends for more than three months before trying to make as many new ones as he could.

However, on his last changing of schools, Brian had managed to acquire the knowledge surrounding the concept known as love as he had fallen helplessly head-over-heels with a girl at his last school. They had hung out for as long as they could until his parents declared two weeks ago that they would be moving here to South Park. When Brian told his girlfriend this, she demanded that he stay behind to fall in love with her. But as much as Brian hated his parent's decision, he could not bring himself to disobey their orders. That revelation to this special girl earned him a slap on the face and insult from her which left him now with a broken heart.

Brian had come to the conclusion now that he was never going to find any friends anywhere.

If he only knew what today held.

As he walked across the street, of his new house, a voice suddenly interrupted his sulking.

"Yo!" An almost-asthma-kid's voice called, "New Kid."

Brian turned around to see a very chubby boy around his age standing before him. He wore a red winter jacket with brown pants, and topped off with a blue-and-yellow hat and gloves.

"Yo! Retard! Ah'm talking to yuh! You new here?"

"Y…yes…." Brian said, a bit nervous.

"SWHEEET!" The fat kid exclaimed, jumping up-and-down happily before grabbing the kid by the arm and pulling him, "Come ahlong, friend. You ahre about to experience the most ahsomest thing ever created!"

….

_**Cartman's House…**_

"Ahll right, guys!" Cartman declared, dragging Brian in, "Mheet the new kid. New kid, meet the guys!"

Brian observed the room they were in (which seemed to be a living room,) that was filled with millions of kids around his age. All of whom were from South Park Elementray School.

All save for one.

Brian noticed there was a grumpy-looking adult on the couch looking as mad as the other kids were who had black hair and a moustache. He was sitting next to a kid dressed in a brown jacket with a red-and-blue cap and red gloves.

"Ok." Cartman said, pulling out a DVD case labled 'Awesome' from his pocket, and motioning to one of the couches, "New kid, take a seat there, and prepare to be amahzed."

Brian took a seat next to the kid with the adult as Cartman placed the DVD in there, and they waited.

Brian turned to the kid and outstretched his hand.

"Hi." He said, as the kid took notice, "I'm Brian."

"Oh," The kid said, "Hi, Brian. I'm Stan Marsh."

"HEY!" Cartman yelled, "Quiet bahck there! It's starting!"

At that moment, the TV turned on revealing a 1980's-styled TV News Logo intro until the picture changed to a bald man with a white moustash and rugged beard wearing a suit. He cleared his throat and spoke.

"Hello," He said, "I'm Martian Morrlan. Tonight's top story; world's biggest Geek; Harold Kumintine has disappeared from the face of the earth."

An image of the missing person with his name and info listed below was then shown to the kids and adult in the room. Everyone could see Harold was unkempt, full of pimples on his face, and looked absolutely dorky with his oversized black-framed glasses.

"Kumintine was the world's greatest geek for inventing the game known as 'Boobies and Booby Traps' which became the predecessor for the now-popular 'Dungeons and Dragons' role-playing game," Martian continued, "However, it turns out that as of this morning, Kumintine did not return to his house from his job at his summer house. The FBI, CIA, and Secret Service are doing everything in their power to locate him, but so far, they have only been able to find a map of his afromentioned game that suppousedly leads to the item known as 'Darktonian's Sword;' an item that according to Kumintine is said to be all-powerful and more valuable than anything else on the planet. Our news will continue to update you on what happens to the finding of this sad little virgin. In other news; President Regan has been shot today…"

Cartman turned it off and looked at the others proudly, while they stared at him with confusion.

"So what?" Randy declared getting up, "You call me out of work for this?"

"Didn't you hear what the guy said?" Cartman asked, "That sword could be worth millions of dollars for all of us. Me mostly, but some scrapings for you too!"

"The guy said it was a legend!" Kyle declared, "How do we go after something that's a legend?"

"Whith this!" Cartman declared, holding up too copies of the map from the TV Report, "Some guy sent me these ahlong with that DVD. So we just need to dress up as fantasy characters and get into this RPG to find it!"

"We're stupid enough to do that!" Randy declared as all the other kids cheered in agreement.

"Ah right then!" Cartman noted, "Then everyone get a costume, and we'll meet up here tomorrow! Ohkay?"

Everyone cheered and ran out the door.

Cartman snickered as someone interrupted his thought.

"Hey Cartman!"

Cartman turned around to see Butters Stotch standing there, happily.

"I heard you were playing an RPG game," He said in his usual stuttering tone that would make what's-his-face from the King's Speech look like fricking Shakespeare in Cartman's opinion, "Can I join?"

"Butters;" Cartman said, trying to think up of a good way to get rid of him, "You're a good guy, but…I nheed you to stay behind."

"Why?" Butters asked confused.

"Because…" Cartman tried to explain, "All the elderly people need to be looked after…"

"I don't understand…" Butters said, "Besides, I'm going to go as Green Lantern so that…"

"That's the pohint, Buhtters," Cartman lied, "If Ryhan Rehnlyods were with us, he'd have to make out with everhy pherson here befohe joining us."

He put his hands on Butter's shoulders, looking at him intensely.

"So go, Buhtters," Cartman declared, "Go and screw evehry pehrson here befohre you can go with us. OK?"

"RIGHT!" Butters declared, screaming as he ran out of the house, leaving Cartman to snicker at how awesome he was and prepare his costume…

…

And so, the next day, Eric Cartman exited his room decked out in his costume. He now wore grey robes and a grey hat that was patched in with a smiley-face sun from another sheet of cloth. In his right hand, he held a golf-club covered in brown construction paper and held together with clear tape. He was now the mighty GALANDAF from the Lord of the Rings films.

Cartman smiled a goofy grin as he descended from the stairs, twirling his staff with pride.

"Now this is a mighty-manly cohstume!" He declared.

"Not as manly as mine!" A voice trying to imitate Latin declared, as Cartman jumped back in shock.

Standing there was Randy Marsh now wearing a long black wig and dressed in a brown vest over a white-lanced shirt with a leather belt. He also now happened to be holding a toy-light-up rapier which he now pointed at Cartman.

"'Allo," Randy greeted, continuing his impression, "My name is INIGO MONTOYA. You killed my Mother."

"Fahther." Cartman corrected.

"Whatever!" Randy snapped, going back to his normal voice before making it Latin again, "Prepare to die!"

"Whatever, Johnny Dheep." Cartman said, unfazed as he pointed the sword away from his face, "But don't shcare me like that again, Mishter Marsh. I dhon't nheed evehry coshplaher doing that."

There was a 'CRASH' as Cartman and Randy turned around to see the the front door had been taken down by Stan who now wore a brown-leater jacket over a white dress-shirt that was full of dirt. On his head, he wore a brown fedora, and in his hand, he held the trademark whip of one of the greatest explorers ever until 2008. Stan now stood as the former most coolest hertosexual men around; INDIANA JONES!

"Ah no!" Cartman declared "Ihdianah Johnes? That's not fahntasy!"

"First off, Cartman," Stand declared angrily, "It's quest base, so it counts. Second; three titles: 'Raiders of the Lost Ark,' 'Temple of Doom,' and 'The Last Crusade.' Finally; he survived a nuclear explosion by hiding in a fridge. If that isn't fantasy. I don't know what is."

"Fhine." Cartman sighed, "Everyone else?"

At that moment, someone stepped through the other doorway into the kitchen. It was Ike but dressed in a shirt made to look like a proud chain-metal armor. Over his head, he wore a frying pan with the handle taken off. On the sides of the helmet were two torn-off bird wings, and in his hands was a hammer. He was now THOR ODINSON; The God of Thunder who was currently making money from being part of the coolest film of 2012.

"It's hammer tyme!" Ike declared.

"He's Thor?" Cartman declared, "Ah fuhck! Why didn't I think of that?"

There was then a roar of a lion as everyone turned to see the new arrival.

It was Kenny. Dressed in a lion suit that was obviously too small for him. However, his face maintained dignity and his lips (which were not covered here.) Showed a great sign of triumph and seriousness.

"Greetings, Sons of Adam." He declared, "I am KING ASLAN!"

The others stared at him for a minute before they all burst out laughing so hard at how ridiculous Kenny looked.

"Come on!" Kenny demanded, "SHUT UP!"

"I dunno, Ass-Man!" Cartman laughed, "I don't think yew got the noive!"

This only caused everyone else to burst out laughing as well while Kenny screamed at them to shut up.

"HELLO." A gravely voice said.

The others turned around and looked in amazement.

"What the-?" Cartman demanded.

Sitting in his wheelchair was Timmy Burch…only his wheelchair had been outfitted with cardboard with grey construction paper taped on to look like it was made of stone. Timmy himself was covered with grey paint over his skin, and he wore a grey hoodie with styraform spheres cut in half that were plastered onto the hoddie almost everywhere.

"Thimmy?" Cartman asked, "Is that you?"

"No." Timmy said in his growl, "It's THE ROCKBITER from THE NEVERENDING STORY. And I've brought my little friends!"

He showed Cartman two action figures. One was of a Red Power Ranger and the other was of The Ultimate Warrior from WWE.

"These are my friends!" Timmy continued, "They've come to help us stop The Nothing. Say hello!"

The group stared at him for a moment before Cartman spoke.

"Ahnyway…" Cartman began turning around.

However, Timmy wheeled up to Cartman sticking his figures in his face menacingly.

"I SAID; SAY. HELLO!" Timmy demanded in a menacing growl.

Cartman realized that Timmy might've lost his shit from his rockly-period, so he just smiled innocently and patted the head of the Ultimate Warrior toy, pretending to look polite. It was all he could do, least anger the wrath of this mentally-ill kid. Timmy nodded, taking the toys back and putting them in his jacket pocket.

Cartman stood there still for another full minute before continuing.

"Hey!" He realized, "Where's that Jew, Kyle?"

"Ober here!" Ike exclaimed, motioning with his hammer to the next player as he stepped into the room.

Kyle now stood before them. He was dressed almost completely buck-naked save for a bear-skinned coat he wore over his back and (thankfully,) a loincloth made of leather pleating. He wore a silver headband across his brow and had a giant toy sword that he carried with him.

He surveyed the room before declaring one word.

"CROM." He exclaimed, trying to sound Austrian as best he could.

The others looked at him amazed before he spoke again.

"Ask me who I am." Kyle demanded.

"Uh, who are you?" Cartman asked.

"I. Am. CONAN." Kyle declared, "Ask me what is best in life!"

"Okay; what's best in life?" Randy asked.

"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the women." Kyle explained before adding one last thing; "Hijinks to follow."

"Great." Cartman exclaimed, "We got a Jew plahing ahn Ahustrian. I like it. Sahy, where's Shelly?"

Just then, Shelly walked into the room dressed literally as SNOW WHITE as she sighed dreamily, keeping literally within character.

"Oh, someday my prince will come." She proclaimed, dreamily.

"Aggggghhhh!" Cartman screamed in anger, "NO! Ah didn't sah Fahry Thales!"

"Oh, right," Shelly exclaimed, turning back to her sarcastic mean mood, "Because those stories are soooo set in reality."

She then looked around with a guilty expression on her face before putting back her whimsical mood.

"I mean…. weality." She said, looking out the window dreamily again.

"It's all about giving into the dream and imaginations, boys and girls!" Wendy said, running into the room.

She was dressed in a torn-up green dress and had butterfly wing cosplaying toys strapped to her back. She had also managed to dye her hair blonde, and was covered in glitter that would make Edward Cullen shake his head in shame, and commit suicide (which would thus save the entire world.)

"Who are you?" Stan asked.

"I'm TINKERBELL!" Wendy declared, "The young pixie fairy who taught Peter Pan how to never grow up!"

"Yeah!" Cartman declared, "And thanks for teaching Michael Jackson that tew!"

Wendy looked at him surprised before lunging like a cat to beat the living shit out of him, only to be restrained by Kyle and Stan, who then proceeded to calm her down.

Just then, Cartman felt someone grab his shoulder as he spun around to see Kevin Stonley dressed from head-to-toe in black clothing. Like Timmy, he had black facepaint on his face, but he had painted his eyebrows red making them look like he had flames coming out of them. Around his mouth was a green-colored beard that was held by elastic around his head.

"Does that disturb you?" He asked, sounding like the voice of the great and powerful Mako, "Good! Because I can use every ounce of your rage!"

"Oh my god!" Randy declared, "You're AKU from Samurai Jack?"

"Does that displease you, sir?" Kevin demanded, holding his leg, "Good! I could use every OUNCE of your DISPLEASURE!"

Randy looked at him very scared as he turned to Cartman.

"I don't want to ride with him." He whispered, close to wetting himself.

"Fear not!" Lola declared walking into the room and making all the guy's mouths drop (and forcing Shelly to kick her dad in the knee for oogling this young girl.) Lola was also almost completely buck-naked like Kyle was, and her only clothes were a chain-mail bikini, along with a bear coat similar to Kyle's with her own toy sword. But what caught everyone the most was the fact that she had managed to dye her hair red completely. Overnight, she had transformed from a normal elementary school girl to the one who managed to face the might of Conan the Barbarian in his stories; RED S-

"Hey!" Red declared, entering with a nearly identical costume, "You little copycat! I was going to be RED SONJA!"

"Says who?" Lola demanded.

"Says me!" Red countered, "I'm an authentic Redhead."

"So what?" Lola questioned, "I'm a comic-reader from last night."

"That's about as being redhead as being bald, you twat!"

"Hey!" Cartman declared, "Whe got two Chonan's, so there can be three."

"But I look better, right?" Red questioned.

"Yeah." Cartman nodded, not even caring, which earned an approving smile from Red.

"Hey, guys!" Token Black declared, stepping into the room dressed in only a long black hooded robe and carrying a golf club with a long-tube of pink construction paper taped on to make it look more like a scythe, "I'm an ORGANIZATION XIII MEMBER from Kingdom Hearts!"

At that moment, Jimmy Valmer stepped in wearing an opposite colored robe that was white with red highlights. He also wore brown boots on his feet and brown gloves around his hands.

"And I'm EZIO AUDITORE DA FIRENZE!" Jimmy declared.

Everyone looked at him confused.

"From…_Assassin's Creed_?" He asked, casually.

Everyone looked at him even more confused before he spoke again.

"It's me; Jimmy!"

"Oh!" Everyone declared.

"Ah right!" Cartman declared, looking around, "There's sthill one more kid. Where's the new kid?"

At that moment, everyone heard the sound of a chainsaw revving up as Brian McChester stepped into the room. He had the most impressive costume by now. He wore a blue buttoned-down shirt and blue jeans that were both torn up like shit. His chest had been exposed and everyone could see that he had used a black magic marker to give himself chest hair. He was also covered in red-painted-lines across his face and body symbolizing slashes on him. He had four belts strapped across his chest, and where his right hand should be, instead was a tapped-on toy chainsaw from the looks of it.

In his left hand, he held a toy 12-guage shotgun which he pretended to saw with the chainsaw before spinning it and then put in the holster he had in his holder strapped to his back.

To top it off, he had a nametag on his shirt that read 'S-Mart' and then bellow it it said in labeling-styled format 'Hello, My Name is Ashley J Williams.'

Brian was no longer the same kid the others had met yesterday, but now he was the manly and heroic (if not stumbling,) ASH WILLIAMS. Ladies in the 80's loved him and every man back then wanted to be him.

He surveyed everyone before letting out Bruce Campbell's famous line.

"Groovy." He said.

"Who the hell are yew?" Cartman demanded.

"Name's Ash," He said, taking his shotgun out and reloading it by spinning it around before continuing, "Housewares."

"Wait!" Randy asked, "Does that mean you have…"

Everyone looked down at Brian's pants to see they had a buldge in them which was actually paper towels Brian stuck in there to make him look more manly which worked for the women there who stood breathless before him…but the guys there just screamed and looked away as if they had seen the tenth layer of hell.

The girls instantly went to his side, adoring him for his manliness.

"I'd like to get to know you better." Red stated.

"Thanks, baby," Brian laughed, "And if you like later, I'll let you play with my boomstick."

He cocked his shotgun as Lola stared at it in amazement.

"Can I touch it?" She asked, breathlessly.

"Sure, dollface." Brian smirked.

"LAHDHIES!" Cartman screamed.

The girls looked to him and groaned disappointed, as they went back over along with Brian.

"Ahright!" Cartman declared, holding his staff up high, "Leht's do it!"

…...

A full minute later, the group of LARPers were outside Cartman's house as they stared at the snowy street in front of them.

"Ohkay!" Cartman declared, handing Ike a copy of the map, "Ihke, this mahp is for you. You will have your own group consisting of yourshelf, Tohken, Sthan, Rhandy, Khevin, Jhimmy, Lohla, Rhed, and Whendy. I whill have the rest of the team."

"But I wanted to go with Ash." The two girls whined.

"NO. YOU. WON'T!" Cartman yelled, getting the two to shut up.

"Now then," He declared, handing Ike a sheet of paper, "Here's a copy I mahde of the mhap."

"Thank you, Cartman," Ike nodded, taking the paper with the hand that didn't hold his hammer, "May the powor of de All-faber watch ober you."

"Whatever." Cartman sighed.

"Hi guys!"

Everyone turned around and looked in horror at the person who had spoken. Standing there was Butters, but he now had a costume on. He wore green-and-black spandex on his body that clung tightly to him. Around his eyes, he wore a black eye mask and in his right hand, he wore a green ring on his index finger. He was no longer Butters Stotch, but he was now GREEN LANTERN from the crap-tastical 2011 film from last year that almost killed the super-hero movie genera had it not been for the kick-ass Captain America film that saved the day.

"In brightest day," Butters declared, raising his ring up, "In blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight! Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power, Green Lantern's light!"

"Yeah, yeah." Cartman declared, clearly not interested remotely in Butter's performance, "Brahvo, yew little gay Rehnohlyd. Brahvo."

"So do I get to join the team now?" Butters asked, with hope filled in his eyes.

"No…" Cartman said, trying to think of a lie, "Buhtters…we need you to…."

Just then, Shelly covered her mouth and started acting as if she was in pain.

"Oh!" She declared, "My braces! I lost my braces!"

Cartman stared, confused, but suddenly realized what she was getting at and turned back to face Butters with his lie set up.

"Buhtters!" Cartman declared, "You must find Shnow White's braces! She needs them and the quest can't wait!"

"Well…okay." Butters said.

"Ohkay?" Cartman asked.

"YEAH!" Butters declared, flying face-first into the ground to try and find the braces.

"Keep searching!" Cartman declared, as Butters gave a thumbs-up from the ground without getting up.

Cartman laughed at Butters stupidity and then turned to the others.

"Ah right, my friends," Cartman declared, "Behghin ehpic wahlk… now!"

With that, the group of cosplaying LARPers marched on proudly out from Cartman's backyard and past his house. Cartman looked back and as soon as Brian had passed, looked towards the other team proudly.

"Ahhhhhhhhnnnnnnnndddddd….SEPERATE!" He declared.

With that, the Ike's group started walking in the opposite direction from Cartman's as the two groups had now begun. They had set off on the quest that would change all of them by the time they got back home.

But unbeknownst to any of them, a mysterious woman had been watching silently from across the street. As soon as the teams had departed and were out of each other's site, the woman stepped forward. She smiled and licked her lips in anticipation as her eyes narrowed in pleasure at the events unfolding before her.

The fools had taken the bait and soon, very soon, she would be reunited with that which had been kept from her.


	3. Team A and The History of Destiny

_**Hi guys. Sorry this took me a while to post, but I've been busy durring the summer, and I'm still recovering from The Amazing Spider-Man reboot. God, what a piece of shit that movie was. I mean; Spider-Man 3 was bad, but THIS...this movie got it all wrong from the get-go, and I dare say, it is WORST than One More Day. Yes. Do you hear me, Amazing Spider-Man? One More Day is a better and closer Spider-Man story than you! Anyway, here's chapter 3 of the South Park fanfic. As always, I own nothing except my OC's. This is for fan-purpopses only, so please don't sue! Other than that, enjoy!**_

_**SOUTH PARK NATURE PRESERVE, A BIT OF A DISTANCE AWAY FROM TEAM B:**_

In the shadows of the forests, three figures emerged from behind the many trees that covered this section of Colorado's wilderness preserve.

The three figures were cloaked in black with hoddies that covered their faces completely. Each also had a sword clutched in their hands. Upon closer inspection, one could see that each of the cloak's swords had a jewel in there with a symbol engraved into the jewel.

The cloaked figure who stood on the far right had a sword that had a pink jewel on there that had an 'M'-like symbol carved into there, only that the symbol had an arrow pointing to the right coming out of the right line of the letter.

The cloak who stood on the left had a sword that contained a sapphire gem that had a symbol resembling roman numeral 2 image, except both ends looked like they were going outwards.

Finally, the one who stood in between his comrades had a sword that featured a red gem in which the image on there was identical to a medallion but with the two strings simply making a curved 'U' like shape around the circle that did not connect.

The tree figures observed the scenery and set foot to stop those they had sensed coming to gain what the hooded figures swore to protect.

….

_**TEAM A:**_

Meanwhile, Cartman's team had been walking along a different nature path for a full 20 minutes, but the determination of the cosplayers did not slow them down.

"So tell me, Gramps;" Brian said, trying to sound like Bruce Campbell as best he could, "What's our first stop on the map?"

"Don't call me Grahmps!" Cartman screamed, before speaking in a calmer voice, "Ahnywahy, it sahys here; 'To learn more of the history of thy quesht; go to the musheum that's in the best forest.' "

He turned and looked at Brian.

"The only museum that's in the closhest foresht is right down this path, shee?" He pointed in the distance and the kids could see the museum.

"What do you think's in there?" Kenny asked.

"My friends can't sense it." Timmy told them, while holding his action figures to his ears.

"Uh, Timmy?" Kenny asked, cautiously, "I think you might be getting too attached to your character."

"Whatever do you mean, Aslan?" Timmy asked, astonished at what the kid dressed in the lion pajamas had said.

"Well," Kenny explained, "You seem to think those things are real."

"But they are real." Timmy responded.

"Timmy…"

"**THEY'RE MORE ALIVE THAN YOU."** Timmy declared, staring at Kenny with big beady black eyes.

Kenny looked into the eyes as if he were looking into a body with no soul and nodded with a nervous smile.

"Okay." He said, quietly, "They're real."

"Good." Timmy growled, "They'll be watching you."

Kenny took this moment to move over next to Kyle who threw his arm around the boy portraying the king of Narnia.

"Fear not, Cowardly Lion," Kyle assured, "The power of Crom will protect you from any of Timmy's weird-ness."

"Ahll right," Cartman declared, "Let's get into that musheum."

The group nodded and walked forward.

….

Upon entering the museum, the two were met with an amazing sight. Standing right at the visitors desk were two figures the kids were familiar with. One was a man with balding brown hair wearing a red long-sleeve shirt with the letter 'T' on it. The man next to him wore a blue shirt with the letter 'P' on there and had balding blonde hair.

"Terrance and Phillip?!" Wendy asked, amazed.

"Yes, my little American whore!" Terrance declared, literally flapping his lips, "It is us; Sirs Terrance and Phillip."

"What the heck are you doing here?" Brian asked, confused.

"An excellent question, my friend," Phillip responded, "But what you should be asking is; what happened to the staff here?"

"You killed them?!" Kyle asked.

"No." Phillip shook his head, "But we did send them to the lockers with their heads literally between their knees."

The group looked at each other before turning back to the two famous Canadian stars.

"May we pass?" Brian questioned.

"Why of course!" Terrance answered, "You are aboot to start your quest here, after all."

The others passed through the entrance gates, and then went off the scour the museum for their next clue.

As soon as they had left their view, Terrance turned to Phillip.

"Hey Phillip." Terrance declared.

"What?" Phillip asked.

At that moment, Terrance leaped in the air, stopping in mid-air for a second in Phillip's face, and then let out a fart to which the two of them laughed their heads off at.

…...

"Ohkay," Cartman told everyone as he read the map further, "It says here in order for ush to find the next clue, we must 'Find the pieche of art that shows where we shtart.'"

As the group tried to think of what that could mean, Brian suddenly stopped by a painting and looked at it amazed.

"Hey, guys;" Brian said, "You seeing this?"

What Brian was looking at to the others seemed to be nothing more than a mere blank portrait with nothing on it. However, in Brian's eyes, he saw something very different and literally full of life.

In his eyes, he saw a circle that featured a man and a woman holding a child in their hands, looking at the baby happily. Attached to that painting was a line that connected to another circle featuring a brown-haired boy around the age of 5 playing with some 'Extreme Ghostbusters' Action Figures. Another line connected that circle to another featuring a man in a business suit with his back turned, as the young boy (now at the age of 6 from the looks of it,) stared at his toy box looking sad. The line following connected it to a perfect-accurate drawing of Brian himself standing next to Kyle, Eric, Kenny, and Stan by a bus stop. But the last line lead to a rectangle that REALLY had Brian shell-shocked. Inside the rectangle was a painting of himself as Ash Williams. Brian noted it was his face but it was plastered on Ash's head. The Ash/Brian in the painting looked muscular, dashing, and as handsome as Bruce Campbell did as he had his Chainsaw arm held behind his back as he pointed his boomstick towards the front of him.

"You seeing this?!" Brian asked, amazed as he looked at his self-reflection of-sorts, "I'm seeing my history and then me with Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman. But it's ending with me as Ash."

"That'sh not what I'm seeing." Cartman said.

"Cartman, we don't have time for your stupid racist comments just because he sees…"

"No, guys;" Cartman said, "I'hm being serious. I'm seehing my own life ending with me as Galandaf."

As the boys looked, they could all see their own lifes painted on the blank painting to the unsuspecting eye, and each kid's timeline ended with a realistic-like painting of themselves in the form of their cosplaying character.

"This is dark magic, indeed my friends." Cartman declared.

"How does this tell us where our next clue is?" Kyle asked.

"Maybe if we join hands it will work," Cartman guessed, "If not, I'll jusht laugh at how gay you all look."

"Whatever." Brian declared, as everyone held their hands over the person next to them, "On 3. 1…2….3!"

With that, the kids each grasped each other's hand, and suddenly, they could all see the canvas morph into a spectrum of changing fluorescent colors, as words started to appear before them.

"In order to complete thy quest," Kyle read, "Just keep going down the freaking forest. But be warned of the nastily which of whiches there be, and at the end; only the greenest of buttery will deliever thee."

With that, the kids let go of their hands and the portrait faded away into blankness.

"Whell," Cartman declared, "I guess we're just going to keep walking down the foresht until we find out what the hell that meant."

….

But when the group exited the museum, they found something was VERY off.

When they had entered the museum, the weather had been clear and sunny with not a cloud in the sky. When they exited, however, the sky had suddenly become so full of clouds that the kids could not even see the sun now. But they were not about to let the dark sky ruin their determination.

"Ohkay." Cartman declared, "Ohnwahrd tew ahdventure!"

"**HALT!"** A mighty voice boomed from nowhere.

The ground suddenly shook violently, as the kids tried to regain their balance.

"Cartman?!" Shelly asked, genuinely scared, "What the hell is this?!"

"**YOU WILL GO NO FURTHER."** The voice boomed.

Lightning crackled in the sky as a bolt suddenly struck the ground before them. The kids covered their eyes to protect themselves from the light, before it dimmed.

When the kids opened their eyes again, they were met with a very bizarre sight. Standing in their way was a human body, but instead of a head, rested on the neck, was a fishbowl that contained a single goldfish in there. The only other thing besides the water and gravel that occupied the bowl with the fish, was a gem that had two wavy slanted lines on top of one another.

The fish eyed the group and opened its mouth letting out the tremendous voice that had been spoken from the heavens.

"**YOU WILL NOT LEAVE HERE UNLESS YOU TURN BACK." **The fish boomed**, "IF YOU DO NOT, I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU ALL."**

The kids stood there with their mouths dropped for a full minute before Cartman finally spoke.

"Oh mah god, we're in _Family Guy: It's a Trahp_." Cartman declared.

"You will go no further, mortals." The fish declared, now speaking in a normal voice, "I am Aquarius. I am one of the guardians of the treasure you seek."

"Treasure?" Kenny asked.

"You seek the power that is known as Darktonian's Sword, do you not?" The fish asked.

The group looked at each other completely confused, but turned back to their adversary, as Cartman nodded.

"Yeah." He said, "How do you know that?"

"Never you mind," The fish declared, "I am a servant of the Protectors of the sword. You will go back now. This power is not meant for you as only the truest of breeds can wield its power."

The group once again looked at each other before turning their attention back at the fish.

"What other name do you have, fish-wahd?" Cartman demanded.

"I have had millions of names having lived for so long," The fish explained, "But besides Aquarius, my name is also…Fish."

The group snorted at this revelation before looking back at Fish.

"Fish?" Cartman asked.

"Yeah." Fish nodded.

"That's your actual name?"

"Yeah."

"That's a terrible name!"

"Yeah." Brian added, "You'd think for a guy who has the name of one of the Greek Zodiac gods that he'd have a better name than 'Fish.'"

"Yeah, I…wait, what?!" Cartman asked.

"Aquarius is one of the twenty four Greek Gods in ancient Greek Mythology, often appearing in Daily Newspaper horoscopes," Brian explained, "I learned about it in class once."

"Oh," Cartman nodded, "And here ah thought that Chancer and Vihrgo where just sehxual leahrning parts in all that."

"HEY!" Fish declared, "Are you forgetting about me?! I deserve respect!"

"Whatever!" Cartman declared, motioning to Kyle, "Chonan; chop off his bahlls."

"Right;" Kyle declared, brandishing his toy sword, "I will crush the pussy!"

"I warn you;" Fish told the approaching Elementary-school-Barbarian, "I have powers that you cannot begin to comprehend!"

"Shut….UUUUUPPPP!" Kyle declared before he was taken by surprise as Fish's body suddenly grabbed him in a chocking hold position and began to try to snap Kyle's head.

"Quhick, mah fellowship!" Cartman declared, "We mhust save Chonan now!"

The group rushed forward to attack Fish, but then the impossible happened.

As Brian and Cartman rushed to Kyle's aid, Fish released Kyle, letting him regain a little bit of his air, before he quickly kneed Cartman in the stomach, sending him to the ground. He then flew right towards Brian, striking him in the chest before he too was sent to the ground.

The beast then turned his attention to Shelly, who at the sight of him, instantly fainted giving a Disney princess-esque whimper as she fell to the ground.

"ROCKBITER SMASH!" Timmy declared, obviously getting the franchise his character was from confused with an entirely different new one, while 'charging' towards fish on his wheelchair.

However, Fish reached out and gripped Timmy's nose, halting the boy in his tracks and inflicting a thousand fold of pain upon him.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Timmy declared, "HE'S GOT MY NOSE! WHO DOES THAT ANY MORE?!"

At this point, 'Galandaf' and 'Ash' had gotten back on their feet to observe the battle. They found that their team was losing as Fish had Kyle still grasped around one arm, while he still held Timmy by the nose with the other, leaving his swinging feet to keep the rest of the team at bay. Kenny then leaped out at it like a mad cat, only for Fish to kick him in the face, and leave the King of Aslan with a boot mark on his face and a slew of Narnian slurs expelled from his mouth.

"We gotta do something, Galandaf!" Brian declared, "If we don't finish Shish Kabob here; he's gonna eat us and shit us out like a drunken whore!"

"Maybe I can help." A feminine voice said.

The two LARPers turned around to see a new arrival. She was a plump Elementary school student with black hair and black mascara. She wore a red dress and hand her hair in tow pigtails through red beads. This was Henrietta Biggs who was one of the Goth Kids at South Park Elementary but now appeared to look more like ASHLEY from the WarioWare series.

"Henreahetta?!" Cartman declared, "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I heard about this Darkthornian's Sword thing from Butters who had his face in dog shit." Henrietta Biggs explained, "He said it's supposed to have unlimited power, so if I help you get it, I'll be able to make darkness come alive and all that crap."

"Whatever, baby;" Brian declared, "Could you kick this fish's ass for us?!"

"Sure thing." Henrietta said, walking towards the creature known as 'Fish.'

As she approached, Fish noticed Henrietta and looked at her entranced, releasing his hold on his two victims completely. The others who had been desperately trying to get to Fish also now stopped and looked at her with awe as she began to sing a song that sounded almost like a demonic Japanese nursery-rhyme from hell.

"_Oh great Fish, what is it that you wish?_

_Do you seek to beat these shits, whom none will miss?_

_It is unworthy for you._

_Cause they barely hit on girls successfully too._

_Their brains are filled of fantasies of fetishes._

_That is why there is nothing that rhymes with oranges._

_Now, Mister Fish;_

_Prepare to eat my fist!"_

With that, Henrietta stopped her song seeing as how much entranced Fish had become and simply kicked him in the groin, causing the body to fall to the ground, the fish bowl making a crack once it made contact with the pavement.

Team A cheered with delight as Henrietta just smiled.

"That was fantastic, kid." Brian declared, "I mean; aside from Stephanie Myers, I've never seen something that made no sense so overblown and overacted work like that through dumb luck!"

"Oh, that reminds me." Cartman demanded.

The others crowded around Cartman as they all stood around Shelly who truly looked to be knocked out cold.

"Is she dead?" Henrietta asked, "Cause that would be so cool to be around a dead person now."

"Maybe she needs CPR." Brian said, leaning in to touch her lips with his own.

"Hey!" Cartman declared, pulling her back, "If anhnyone's gonna be doing that, it's me!"

"Guys!" Kenny noted, pointing at her, "She's coming around."

The two fighting kids groaned as Shelly began to stir before her eyes fluttered open.

"Oh," She said, dreamily, "Good morrow, everyone. Lovely to see you all here."

"Way to phussy ouht on us, Shelly." Cartman groaned.

"Oh." She said, apologetically, "I'm so dreadfully sorry, I must've swooned. I…I was just trying to stay in pwecious chawacter."

"Yeah, whell your 'pwecious chawacter…'" Cartman mocked, "Is really stharting to PHISS ME OFF!"

Shelly responded by grabbing Cartman's cloak and rose up to look him dead in the eyes in a very threatening manner.

"Okay, listen closely, you fat old fuck!" Shelly demanded.

"It's funny because she's not talking about me." Brian whispered to Kenny, partly internally lamenting the fall of Bruce Campbell's career by having him star in the shit-tastical Amazing Spider-Man game which was bad enough as a tie-in to the completely backwards and betrayal that was The Amazing Spider-Man movie.

"I want to find this treasure as much as any of us do;" Shelly continued, "So I'll be a princess and do it my way; and you can be the complete Dumbledore knock-off that Sean Connery turned down and instead opted for a movie that was so shitty it ended his career, okay?"

She released Cartman's cloak and walked back along the trail, leaving Cartman to exclaim one line.

"Whell excuuuuuuuuuuushe mhe, Prhincess!"

The others turned to look at him with disgust and amazement. Cartman nodded, realizing his mistake to utter that line.

"Yeah," He nodded, "That was kihnda shitty. Dohn't let me do that again. Okay?"

"We won't." Brian assured, as they continued their quest.

Then a thought struck Brian's mind.

"You know;" He said, "This calls for an old song. Let us sing as we make our way along the path."

He cleared his throat before singing.

"_THE PHAAAAANNNNTOM OF THE OPERA IS…"_

He was silenced by everyone else preparing to use their weapons, 'magic,' or just plain fists on him.

"I'll shut up now."

_**Reviews Appreciated!**_


	4. Team B and The Trouble with Hoodies

_**Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late on this, but as promised, I have this up now. I'll try to update more often, now that I know my college schedule says that on Friday I have no classes. Anyways, enjoy and as always, I own NOTHING! This is for Fan-Purposes only, so please don't sue!**_

**Team B…**

Meanwhile, Team B had been traveling along their separate path, and had come across their own problems. Specifically, from Randy who had become too invested in his character.

Jumping ahead, and pointing his toy rapier in front of him, Randy struck a heroic pose, as he continued to try and sound Latin.

"Ha-Ha!" He declared, "Come, my friends! I suspect that the path lies ahead, but be weary for danger could lurk at every corner!"

Stan sighed, reading the copy of the map he had.

"Just keep going straight, Dad." He ordered.

Randy sighed, but complied to his archeologist son's request, as the team kept moving forward.

"Ah!" Kevin declared, outstretching his arms in a very supplicating gesture, looking at the forest with no leaves around them, "This forest has so much history to it. So much of it that I have conquered! It makes me stronger!"

"FEED ME YOUR RAGE!" Kevin declared, running face-first into some of the leafless trees, and acting as if he were making love to it.

Randy turned to Wendy, deeply concerned for his teammate.

"I am concerned about Kevin." He told her, "He has this Pecker of the Undead gig going a bit too much for him."

Meanwhile, in the back of the line, Red tapped Lola on the shoulder with her toy sword, as the second Sonja turned to the one who had drawn her attention.

"Listen here, you whale!" Red declared, "I know you think you're hot stuff around here, but let's make one thing perfectly clear; these are MY classmates. DON'T try to steal them for me."

Lola looked at her cosplaying counterpart confused before speaking.

"Well," She told her, "I'm just doing my job just as any Elementary School student would."

"Oh, that's real cute." Red mocked, "'I'm just doing my job as any other Elementary School Student would.'"

She turned to the Lola Sonja, and eyed her full of hate.

"You know what? I don't even care." Red explained, "You're so insignificant that I don't even notice you."

"Then…why are you talking to me?" Lola asked.

Red cursed at herself for digging her own standstill, but quickly rebutted with a new comment.

"I take it back." She said, "You're a pea."

Lola looked at Red utterly confused as she should be.

"I'm a pea?" Lola asked.

"You're a pea." Red nodded, smiling as she put her fingers within reach of an 'O' sign but leaving a small enough gap between her thumb and index finger to illustrate her point, "This is you. You're begging for mercy… 'Oh help, Red! Don't eat me!' I'm not listening to you because you're so tiny and insignificant. So you scream to all the other peas in the bowl; 'Oh, help me! She's going to eat me!' But I've already eaten all the other peas in the bowl, Lola. Every. Single. One."

Red then bobbed her head up and down quickly while making a noise that sounded like a cross between somebody gargling on Listerine and bloody murder. Lola stared at Red confused before the latter finished their act, and waited for a response.

"So I'm a pea, huh?" Lola asked.

"Yes." Red nodded, smiling.

To Red, Lola was getting the picture in Red's mind of Red stabbing a fork into a pea with Lola's head on it, while her pea guts spilled all across the bowl she was in.

"I'm sooo full of peas, then?" Lola questioned.

"Yes."

"I'm so full of pea-ness."

"Yeah."

"So if I'm a pea…and I'm full of pea-ness…"

"Yes?" Red nodded.

"What are you going to do to me?"

"I WILL EAT YOUR PEA-NESS!" Red shouted, loud enough for all her comrades to hear.

At the sound of this, everyone in front of the two (as Red and Lola were bringing up the back of the line,) turned around and stared at Red horrified, and disgusted by such a vulgar-sounding comment.

Red, suddenly realizing her mistake, looked at them shocked, and then gave a soft laugh, trying to make things right.

"Oh…oh no…" She laughed, "I wasn't…"

"Yeah." Randy declared, waving his arm back, "Go to the back of the line!"

Red turned around, and laughed again, thinking it was all a joke.

"I'm already at the back of the…"

"Go back further." Randy told her.

Lola simply smiled at Red, stepping up a bit as Red gritted her teeth together.

_Not over by a longshot, Lola._ Red thought to herself, _Not over by a longshot._

Meanwhile, Wendy and Stan were taking the mid-front of the line, when Stan decided to test out a bit more of his character's personality by doing what Harrison Ford did best; make snarky remarks.

"So what kind of weapon do you have?" He asked, trying to make his voice gruff.

"Oh, this?" Wendy asked, taking her 'pixie dust' (which in reality was just golden glitter,) out of a pants pocket from her dress, "Why it's pixie dust."

"What good is that going to do besides attract Alec Baldwin?" Stan asked.

"It can do a lot of good if you believe in it," Wendy protested, "It can…make your enemies float away…or distract them with its whimsical charm…."

"More like cheap novelty." Stan rebutted.

"All right, Solo;" Wendy questioned, "What's your secret weapon?"

"What I always use." Stan told her, holding up a belt, "A whip?"

She looked at it questionably.

"A whip?" She repeated.

"Yup." Stan said, "Ain't no one gonna mess with someone who's got a whip."

"That's a belt." Wendy pointed out.

"I know," Stan admitted, "But my Dad said I couldn't get a whip, so instead I use a belt, and therefore it's a whip by Roleplaying means."

"Well it certainly is terrifying." Wendy said in a mocking voice.

"Hey I could whip half a dozen schoolchildren with this, so shut it, Tinkerbell!" Stan warned.

"Oh," Wendy laughed, "Like your greaser son; Shia Labeouf?"

Stan looked at her amazed until his face became red with anger.

"YOU BELONG IN A MESEUM!" He said, pointing at her.

It was at this point, that Jimmy, who had been leading the group, flung his hand (and crutches) up, smacking Token in the face. Token stumbled back at Jimmy squinted his eyes, sensing the surroundings as efficiently as no one else in the group could.

"Hold…fhu…friends." Jimmy declared.

"What?" Randy asked, now concerned to the point where he completely dropped his fake Latin accent.

Jimmy turned around and looked at the group ominously.

"We…we...we…."

"WHAT?!" The entire team asked.

"We…are not..ah..alone." Jimmy finished, quickly.

Everyone looked at him confused as Randy laughed, trying to shake it off.

"Look here, Jimmy;" He told him, "We no speak Crypticense, so perhaps if you spoke the language of English maybe…"

"Look!" Jimmy declared.

Randy turned in front of him to see three black-hooded figures with swords that featured strange markings on them, suddenly standing in the path before them.

"Gah!" Randy declared, taking a few steps back.

"Hello." The large cloak in the middle greeted, "We are three of the seven members of the group called The Zodiac. I'm known as Hood #1."

He pointed over to the hooded figure on the left.

"This is Hood #2."

He finally motioned to the figure on the right.

"And that's Hood #3."

He then placed both of his hands back upon the handle of the sword.

"We bid you welcome as we are three of the seven defenders of Menry's Sword."

"Menry's Sword?" Red asked.

"Yes, young one." Hood #1 nodded, "We are the group who defends the sword from those unworthy as yourself."

"Wait a second; are you saying we're not worthy?!" Randy asked.

"Yes, butt-whistlers." Hood #1 said, in a rather irritated voice.

"Hey! I had to quit work for this bull!" Randy shot at the Hood.

"I paid thirty dollars for this!" Wendy declared.

"Quitting work and paying money for a cheap-ass costume does not make you worthy." Hood #1 said.

"Yessssss…." Hood #2 hissed, "You should all turn back."

"Leave now." Hood #3 added.

"Shut up." Hood #1 told them as they backed up, "I said I was doing the talking."

It was at this moment, that Ike stepped forward.

"What do they call you, foul obnes?" Ike questioned.

"Throughout the ages, Child," Hood #1 answered, "Besides the name of Zodiac, many have named our kind different titles. We have been named The Almost People, The Wraiths, The Dementors, Etc. But in this day and age, we are known simply as…The Shaded."

Everyone stood there confused for a full minute, before Lola finally spoke.

"Why do they call you that?" She asked, confused.

"Because they like wearing swimsuits." Red said, sarcastically before snapping at her companion, "Why do you think?!"

"This is your final warning." Hood #1 spoke, now seriously, "Turn back now, or suffer the consequences."

"Stand back, frewinds." Ike declared, stepping forward towards the Hoods, "Now vile dwemons…face the powber of Thor!"

With that, he threw 'Mjolnir' at Hood #1. The hammer was rubber, and did nothing to him, as Ike yelled one simple phrase.

"Two Lightning!"

With that, he finished, and Hood #1 looked at the 'hammer' and back at Ike as the young Canadian did the same.

"Well?" He asked.

"Well, what?" Hood #1 asked, confused.

"You're suppoubsed to fall like in the rubles."

Hood #1 looked at him more confused, as Lola stood up, to try and help the Hood understand.

"Look." She said, "You have to fall down and pretend to be having a spaz attack, or we're reporting you to the game master."

Suddenly, the once-bright sky suddenly turned dark and there was the sound of real thunder in the distance. At that moment, a deep, terrifying voice came from the throat of Hood #1.

"_**GEEEEEEETTTTT OUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT!"**_

With that, the sky returned to its normal state, and Ike and Lola stood there, speechless.

"You know;" Lola laughed, "I think we've become horribly terrified of you. Toodles!"

With that, Lola and Ike screamed in terror, fleeing for cover behind their teammates.

"Their dark powers are beyond all of you!" Lola declared.

"Stand aside, friend." Randy declared, taking his rapier out, and pointing it at the Hoods.

"Hello." Randy declared, "My name is Inigo Montoya; you killed my Mother."

"Father." Hood #1 corrected.

"Whatever!" Randy groaned, quickly getting back into character, "Prepare to die."

"Good, Montoya;" Kevin declared, standing next to his comrade, "Good! I shall aid you in your time of need. Bring it, you hooded ones!"

"I've been to universes of both Disney AND Final Fantasy from both the good and the bad!" Token declared.

"I've fo-fouh-founded the hidden…blade!" Jimmy added.

"And I've managed to fight Arnold Schwarzenegger!" Red declared.

"So have I!" Lola added, "And I did it better!"

"You ran away from these guys, you idiot!" Red scolded.

As the others rallied against the Hoods, Hood #1 handed his sword to Hood #2. The middle hood then held both his hand over one another so that both palms were perpendicular and facing each other. Suddenly, a blue lightning-like energy appeared between both of his palms. Slowly, it formed into a ball, but the LARPers simply kept at their bravado.

Finally, Hood #1 waved his fingertips and the ball was sent over Team B's heads, as they watched the ball fly before it made impact with the ground behind them, blowing it up with a loud 'BOOM.' When they looked, the path behind them was now nothing more than a steaming crater.

"HO-LY SHIT!" Randy and Kevin declared.

"WET YOURSELVES AND RUN!" Wendy demanded.

The others did as they were told, as The Hoods followed them.

_**Reviews appreciated!**_


End file.
